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I haven't posted a journal since my first Sakura-con. Oops. I got distracted by life honestly.

Where do I start ? Hmm, well I'm going to Japan probably next summer. My best friend and his boyfriend and I. It's like a celebration of friendship, as well as birthday gifts for me. I'm really excited, it gives me something to look forward to in the future. Sensei also sent me a scholarship application to fill out. I've been having a tough time the last month or so. Everything from crippling anxiety that makes it hard to get out of bed, to agonizing stomach aches that make me want to die. It's been a roller coaster of bullshit really. So yesterday I went to rant to Sensei cause I just needed someone who would listen and stop telling me to just 'work hard and you'll feel better'. I was talking to her about my parents, and how they tell me I have to be perfect, I can't make mistakes, because that makes me a failure. She was honestly shocked I was that scared of failing. She said it put things into perspective as to why I would work so hard in Japanese, even though I'm naturally good at learning languages. She said it explained why I would look like I was crying when I had to speak to the class, why I would shake when I would write on the board. It's cause I was scared. I didn't want to be laughed at for making mistakes, for not knowing the answer, for using the wrong particle. She said I need to learn to not be so hard on myself, to unlearn bad habits like being so harsh with myself. That I don't need to be worried if I make a mistake, no one will laugh at me for not knowing the answer. We've all been in class together for a year, going into second year, it's okay. She said we're like sticky rice, we stick together and help each other. We teach each other and help each other so that no one gets left behind. I told her my parents are disappointed, because I'm not going to be a doctor. Sensei said there's more than one doctor. Doctors don't only do surgeries. Sensei said I need to have faith in myself, I'm good at Japanese. I just need to trust my abilities. I told her I want to be a teacher in South Korea. Most of my teachers hated me, I thought it would be nice if kids who live in a world where school is practically competition, then maybe, just maybe, I could help kids who were like me. Who dreamed of something different than what their parents wanted for them. Help them see their potential, and not let it go to waste. To help just one person who feels like no one cares about how they feel. To show them, it's okay to be different. You should be yourself. You should take care of yourself. Self care is important. 

Sensei said for those reasons, and those passions, I will be a great teacher one day.
  • Listening to: Musique pour la tristesse de Xion | Kingdom Hearts
  • Reading: Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet
  • Watching: Star Trek
  • Playing: Animal Crossing: New Leaf
  • Eating: Nothing
  • Drinking: Water
- It takes heart - by Neverablueflame
- It takes heart -
Cue what may be my overly emotional response to anything that has to do with Kingdom Hearts. Let alone drawing.

So, I'm part of this Kingdom Hearts Art Collaboration. I get to make my own Keyblade wielder, the whole works. Well, this is her. She doesn't have a fancy name, just Yume. Her Keyblade is called Dream Chaser. I've always been the type to daydream with my head in the clouds. I have a back story for her that's too complicated to type up at this moment, maybe one day though right ? I came to this project with no sense of a reason to continue drawing. I've given it up before so why not again ? Recently I've been struggling with my mood disorder and depression, so I haven't been feeling quite myself. However, when I started this I remembered the reason I started drawing when I was kid to begin with. It was a way for me to cope with my overwhelming depression, an outlet to escape from a world that did nothing but hurt me.

I like to think she's like me. She's a dreamer. Like me, she has this overwhelming feeling of being crushed by everything around her, being overwhelmed to the point of breaking.  She has too many demons that chase her, and not enough light to chase them away. I would think being a Keyblade wielder would give her the light she needed to chase away the demons. A sense of purpose. A way to cope. A way to make friends.

I made a lot of friends because of Kingdom Hearts. I'm still making friends because of Kingdom Hearts. I'll probably continue to make friends because of Kingdom Hearts. I'm 23, and I still love this game as much as I did when I was 10 years old, discovering it for the first time. This game gave me characters that I could relate to. It made me feel better about being me. I'm glad I'm me. I'm glad this could give me my reason to continue drawing back again. So thank you for this. 

Also a huge shout out to my good friend Jasper for the idea to give her freckles ! She looks great with them !

...also, Yume means Dream.
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I haven't posted a journal since my first Sakura-con. Oops. I got distracted by life honestly.

Where do I start ? Hmm, well I'm going to Japan probably next summer. My best friend and his boyfriend and I. It's like a celebration of friendship, as well as birthday gifts for me. I'm really excited, it gives me something to look forward to in the future. Sensei also sent me a scholarship application to fill out. I've been having a tough time the last month or so. Everything from crippling anxiety that makes it hard to get out of bed, to agonizing stomach aches that make me want to die. It's been a roller coaster of bullshit really. So yesterday I went to rant to Sensei cause I just needed someone who would listen and stop telling me to just 'work hard and you'll feel better'. I was talking to her about my parents, and how they tell me I have to be perfect, I can't make mistakes, because that makes me a failure. She was honestly shocked I was that scared of failing. She said it put things into perspective as to why I would work so hard in Japanese, even though I'm naturally good at learning languages. She said it explained why I would look like I was crying when I had to speak to the class, why I would shake when I would write on the board. It's cause I was scared. I didn't want to be laughed at for making mistakes, for not knowing the answer, for using the wrong particle. She said I need to learn to not be so hard on myself, to unlearn bad habits like being so harsh with myself. That I don't need to be worried if I make a mistake, no one will laugh at me for not knowing the answer. We've all been in class together for a year, going into second year, it's okay. She said we're like sticky rice, we stick together and help each other. We teach each other and help each other so that no one gets left behind. I told her my parents are disappointed, because I'm not going to be a doctor. Sensei said there's more than one doctor. Doctors don't only do surgeries. Sensei said I need to have faith in myself, I'm good at Japanese. I just need to trust my abilities. I told her I want to be a teacher in South Korea. Most of my teachers hated me, I thought it would be nice if kids who live in a world where school is practically competition, then maybe, just maybe, I could help kids who were like me. Who dreamed of something different than what their parents wanted for them. Help them see their potential, and not let it go to waste. To help just one person who feels like no one cares about how they feel. To show them, it's okay to be different. You should be yourself. You should take care of yourself. Self care is important. 

Sensei said for those reasons, and those passions, I will be a great teacher one day.
  • Listening to: Musique pour la tristesse de Xion | Kingdom Hearts
  • Reading: Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet
  • Watching: Star Trek
  • Playing: Animal Crossing: New Leaf
  • Eating: Nothing
  • Drinking: Water

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Neverablueflame's Profile Picture
Neverablueflame
るい 
Artist | Student | Varied
Norway
Name: るい
Age: 23

I'm a 23 year old International Studies Major with a Minor in Japanese and Korean. I'm a dork at heart, and a nerd by nature. I'm Pagan/Shinto/Buddhist.

Representative for the Alice Nine World Street Team !

"Now, I pull the trigger, and blast out all of your heads."
- Kowloon - NINE HEADS RODEO SHOW - ~ Alice Nine

"Do you have wounds ? Do you have scars ? You're still beautiful to me."
- One - Epik High
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:iconglimja:
Glimja Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2015  Professional General Artist
Thank you for the fav!!! X)    :forget-me-not: - NaNoEmo 06 
Reply
:iconneverablueflame:
Neverablueflame Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2015  Student General Artist
You're welcome ! <3
Reply
:iconrosherudesu:
rosherudesu Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2014  Student Digital Artist
Hi~ Thanks so much for the watch!! It means so much! 
Reply
:iconneverablueflame:
Neverablueflame Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2014  Student General Artist
Of course ! ^-^
Reply
:icontsuerisunongaku:
TsuerisunOngaku Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2014  Student Photographer
Thanks for the favvve, Rui-sama! :heart:
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:iconitachi349:
itachi349 Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2014
thanks for the :+fav:! <3
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:iconx-happilyinsane-x:
x-happilyinsane-x Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2013
Thanks for the fave :D
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:iconkhymichi:
Khymichi Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2013  Professional General Artist
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:iconhakui-kitsune:
Hakui-Kitsune Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2013
Thanks for the fave! :D
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:iconaifseiei:
aifseiei Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you very much for the fave :3
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